


I'm Not the Only One

by 73stargazer



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Infidelity, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2471645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/73stargazer/pseuds/73stargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Synopsis: Part 2 in the "Covet" series. This is a prequel to “Original Sin”,  taking place primarily on the Stargazer 2340s/2350s, designed to fill in some of the backstory for “Original Sin”.  This is a P/C story, but it’s exploring the relationship between Beverly and Jack and Beverly and Picard that provides the context for the alternate universe in “Original Sin”.  It’s probably a little darker than anything I’ve done, but I promise it’s all PC :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to CBS, its parents and affiliates. Just taking the characters out for a jaunt around the galaxy, I warrant they will be returned in the same condition I borrowed them.

Part 1

 

You and me, we made a vow  
For better or for worse  
I can't believe you let me down  
But the proof's in a way it hurts  
For months on end I've had my doubts  
Denying every tear  
I wish this would be over now  
But I know that I still need you here

You say I'm crazy  
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done  
But when you call me baby  
I know I'm not the only one

You've been so unavailable  
Now sadly I know why  
Your heart is unobtainable  
Even though Lord knows you have mine

You say I'm crazy  
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done  
But when you call me baby  
I know I'm not the only one

I have loved you for many years  
Maybe I am just not enough  
You've made me realize my deepest fear  
By lying and tearing us up

You say I'm crazy  
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done  
But when you call me baby  
I know I'm not the only one  
You say I'm crazy  
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done  
But when you call me baby  
I know I'm not the only one  
I know I'm not the only one  
I know I'm not the only one  
And I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, know

I know I'm not the only one

 

Sam Smith, “I’m Not The Only One”

 

Jean-Luc glances up from his worn paper book at the sound of the chime, intrigued. He had not been anticipating any visitors at this hour. “Come.”

The captain of the USS Stargazer had not been expecting the young medical student that married his friend and junior officer the year prior when she steps through the door. Rising out of his seat, Jean-Luc cannot help but smile at Beverly Crusher.

“Hello, Captain. Am I disturbing you?” the twenty-five year-old senior medical student at the Academy inquires tentatively, pausing as the cabin door closes behind her. 

“Not at all,” Jean-Luc assures her, stepping forward to greet her. “Uh, Jack mentioned you would be visiting. Where’s the boy?”

Raising a brow, Beverly takes a hesitant step forward. “Wesley? I…uh…I didn’t bring him.”

“Ah. I see,” Jean-Luc smiles painfully. Jack had purposefully booked off three days of shifts in anticipation of Beverly’s visit, citing that he had not seen his wife in three months. Now Jean-Luc can appreciate why the young man would want to free up his schedule when his young bride came aboard sans baby. 

Lacing her fingers nervously, Beverly looks at the captain hopefully. “Do you have a moment we could talk?”

“Certainly.” Jean-Luc gestures to the sofa, inviting her in. 

Awkwardly, Beverly moves to perch on the sofa. 

“What’s wrong?” Jean-Luc inquires, sitting next to her on the sofa. The young woman’s behaviour is completely out of character. She is reserved, somber, slightly confused. 

“Jack’s having an affair,” Beverly confesses evenly, wringing her hands.

Flabbergasted, Jean-Luc takes a moment to process her revelation. “I beg your pardon?”

Face plagued in misery, Beverly can hardly look at Jean-Luc. “It’s been going on since before the wedding. I guess…I guess she thought he was going to leave me for her. When she realized it wasn’t going to happen, she started to feel terrible about the whole thing. She realized I wasn’t a horrible wife, that I was waiting at home with a baby while Jack was messing around with her. Her guilt got to her and she finally caved. She contacted me and confessed the whole thing.”

Floored, Jean-Luc tries to find the right words. “Beverly, I am…I am truly sorry.”

“You had no idea this was going on here? Jack never…talked about it, made a dirty little joke?” Beverly raises a brow, finding it hard to believe that Jack would not confide in his captain, chide along with his best chum. 

Shaking his head vehemently, Jean-Luc looks at her directly. “I had no idea. I can’t believe Jack would do such a thing.”

Bowing her head, tears well in Beverly’s blue eyes. “I’m such an idiot.”

Jean-Luc inches closer, putting a hand on her back trepidatiously. “You are most definitely not. What happened when you confronted Jack?”

Scoffing, Beverly swipes at her tear tracks. “We blew up. I was furious. He screamed. God, Jean-Luc, I can’t believe it. I think it’s over. What am I gonna do?”

“It’s not over,” assures Jean-Luc. “Look, there’s no question what Jack did was horrendous. This doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is irreparable if you want to salvage your relationship. You love him, don’t you?”

Blubbering, Beverly bobs her head. “Of course. Not so much right now. But, I do. He’s my son’s father.”

“Slow down and take a breath,” encourages Jean-Luc, rubbing her back in a circular pattern. “Don’t do anything hasty. You need time to process this.”

“I’m just such a fool,” exclaims Beverly, burying her head in her palms. “I should have seen this coming. I thought he was unhappy.”

Inhaling sharply, Jean-Luc’s hand wanders aimlessly as he caresses her back. “You couldn’t have foreseen it. You’re the furthest thing from a fool.”

“Maybe this was me. Maybe it was my fault,” posits Beverly, lifting her head. “I was so far away. How could we build a new family when we were so far apart?”

Incredulous, Jean-Luc halts his soothing motion. “What? How are his actions your fault?”

“I should have been there for him in these critical beginning stages of our marriage,” Beverly elaborates. 

“How?” Jean-Luc challenges. “We can’t permit families on the ship, Beverly. Besides, you have your school to finish. You’re going to be a doctor.”

Sighing, Beverly is thoroughly fluxed, angry, in pain and shocked. “I don’t know.”

Taking her hand, Jean-Luc leans in close, fixing his gaze on hers. “Listen carefully: This is in no way your fault, Beverly.”

Resting her forehead against his, Beverly takes a steadying breath, revelling in her friend’s calm, strong presence. “Thank you, Jean-Luc. I’m so glad to have you here.”

Running his hand up her arm, Jean-Luc smiles. “I’m always here for you.”

With her free hand, Beverly gently cups his cheek, closing the distance between their lips. Pressing her lips to his, Beverly closes her eyes, savouring the intimacy she has lacked for so long. 

Swallowing hard, Jean-Luc studies Beverly’s inviting expression, hesitant and reserved. “Beverly…”

Grazing his cheek, Beverly reopens her eyes. “Jean-Luc, I’m dying inside.”

Sliding his hand down her arm to lace their fingers, Jean-Luc grimaces. “This will only exacerbate your problems, Beverly.”

Biting her lip, Beverly stares desperately into his patient, empathetic eyes. She moves her hand from his cheek and drops it to his thigh, splaying her fingers slowly. “I need you right now. Please…”

Drawing back, Jean-Luc reluctantly removes her hand from his thigh, almost biting back a groan. “You know this isn’t the solution. You’re upset. You’re not thinking clearly.”

Tears pooling in her eyes, Beverly averts her eyes, embarrassed. 

Standing off of the sofa, Jean-Luc sighs. “You’re staying here tonight. Don’t go anywhere. I’ve got a…an assignment, but it won’t take long. Just…make yourself comfortable.”

Watching his retreating form to the cabin door, Beverly crumples into the sofa, completely ashamed.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

 

_You're throwin' around a lot of serious accusations_

_Ain't too hard to tell what you're insinuatin'_

_You think I'm the one who stole her away_

_And if not for me she'd still be yours today_

_We're both men here so why play games_

_Why don't we call a spade a spade?_

_Man to man tell me the truth, tell me Were you ever there when she needed you?_

_Man to man look me in the eye, tell me If you really loved her, why'd you make her cry?_

_Man to man, who cheated who You're the one to blame tell me it ain't true_

_Man to man, man to man Well, you think all your anger is justified_

_Me, I think it's just your wounded pride_

_What did you really think she was gonna do_

_She's a real woman not a doormat for you_

_You want her back but it's too late_

_Why don't we just cut to the chase_

_Man to man tell me the truth, tell me_

_Were you ever there when she needed you?_

_Man to man look me in the eye, tell me If you really loved her, why'd you make her cry?_

_Man to man, who cheated who You're the one to blame tell me it ain't true_

_Man to man Man to man tell me the truth, tell me_

_Were you ever there when she needed you?_

_Man to man look me in the eye, tell me If you really loved her, why'd you make her cry?_

_Man to man, who cheated who_

_You're the one to blame tell me it ain't true_

_Man to man, man to man_

 

Gary Allan, "Man to Man."

 

 

Picard presses the chime on Jack’s cabin door, his heart pounding profusely against his chest. With great restraint, he had contained his powerful outrage and disappointment in his friend for Beverly’s sake. Now, however, it is time to discuss the matter with his friend.

The door slides open to reveal Jack Crusher, grim look set upon his stony face. “Oh.”

From his expression, it is evident to Picard that Jack had been expecting it to be his wife knocking at the door, not the captain. “May I come in?”

Scanning his friend, Jack’s lips form a tight line. “I take it Beverly ran crying to you?”

Raising a challenging brow, Picard braces himself for what he anticipates will turn into a heated confrontation. “I want to talk.”

“I’m not in the mood,” professes Jack, hand hovering over the button to close the door.

Stepping over the threshold before Jack has a chance to lock him out, Picard is not about to allow Jack to escape from this discussion so easily. “Damn it, Jack, don’t cower!”

The door slides closed behind Picard and deafening silence pervades the small cabin.

Inhaling sharply, Jack glares at his superior officer. “You think I owe you something? You think is any of your business?”

Eyes dilated, Picard begins to realize that Jack does not comprehend the magnitude of the problem.. “No, that’s not what I said. But, your wife is distraught. I think you ought to fix this.”

Shaking his head, Jack scoffs. “You have no clue.”

“Then tell me!” implores Picard, tossing a hand in the air. “What the hell possessed you?”

“You think it’s easy? You think it’s easy being here while she’s away? It’s lonely. It’s hard,” explains Jack in frustration.

Mouth agape, Picard is flabbergasted. “You think that’s an excuse? You were lonely?”

Growling in agitation, Jack turns his back to Picard. “This is pointless.”

“Everybody’s lonely, Jack,” Picard states pointedly. “Everyone has needs. You don’t think Beverly was lonely? That doesn’t give you the right to cheat.”

Whipping back around, Jack puts his hands on his hips. “It wasn’t easy. This wasn’t all me. She could have done more, too.”

Without consciously considering his actions, Picard’s rational side is supplanted by his rage and instantly he finds his fist connecting with Jack’s face. Before he can register what has happened, he has dealt Jack a powerful right hook precisely between Jack’s eyes.

Stumbling backward, Jack is shocked by his friend’s action and it takes a few seconds for him to respond. After a second, he reacts with a punch to Picard’s nose that nearly knocks him out.

Shaking off the dizziness, Picard hardly notices the blood dripping from his nose, grasping for Jack’s uniform collar. “Damn it, Jack!”

Grinding his teeth, Jack pants for air, regaining his equilibrium. “You fucking hit me!”

“Don’t you ever imply that this is Beverly’s fault!” orders Picard, shaking Jack by the collar.

With blood drizzling from the laceration between his eyes, Jack shoves Picard off.

Panting, Picard tries to compose himself, to still his pounding heart. “This is no good.”

“I think you should leave,” Jack states sharply, wiping sweat from his brow.

“Agreed,” grumbles Picard, starting for the cabin door. Swiping at the blood trickling from his nose, Picard turns to glance at Jack. “Jack, I fought for you. You should know that.”

Casting his friend a pained look, Jack swallows hard.

 

* *  
PAGE BREAK

* *

Rising from the sofa at the sound of the door opening, Beverly is grateful that Jean-Luc has returned. She had been pacing the cabin restlessly, left alone with her tortured thoughts. When Jean-Luc sneaks through the cabin door, she is alarmed to find his uniform slightly disheveled, blood dripping down his face.

Worried, Beverly rushes to the front as the door closes behind Jean-Luc. “What happened?”

Waving her off, Jean-Luc sighs in resignation. “You don’t want to know.”

Pressing her hand to his cheek, Beverly examines his bleeding nose. “You took quite a blow.”

“Not nearly as bad as the one I gave,” smirks Jean-Luc as Beverly tilts his head back.

Casting him a reproving look, Beverly runs her thumb along his cheek. “You had a confrontation with Jack, didn’t you?”

Reddening, Jean-Luc doesn’t want to lie to her, while simultaneously he does not want to heighten her anxiety over the situation.

Rolling her eyes, Beverly steps back. “Go sit down.”

“Beverly….”grumbles Jean-Luc.

“Sit down!” orders Beverly, walking over to the replicator in the tiny kitchenette.

With a sigh of exasperation, Jean-Luc moves to the sofa as Beverly replicates a glass of ice and a glass of water.

After a moment, Beverly joins him on the sofa, handing him a glass of water. “That wasn’t wise, Jean-Luc.”

Jean-Luc winces as she applies the ice cubes wrapped in a cloth over his nose.

“Look up,” commands Beverly, holding the cloth with ice over his nose.

“I’m sorry, Beverly,” whispers Jean-Luc, staring up at the ceiling.

Frowning, Beverly wipes the blood from his face with another cloth. “Me, too. You’re lucky your nose isn’t broken.”

Tilting his head back down, Jean-Luc tries to look at her. “We can get your things. You’re staying here tonight.”

Nodding slowly, Beverly concedes. “I haven’t brought my case up yet. I’ll go down and get it. Thank you.”

Reaching for her hand, Jean-Luc musters a smile. “You’re not alone, Beverly.”

 

* *  
He had insisted she sleep in his bed and she protested fervently; however, in the end, too exhausted and drained to fight anymore, Beverly had consented to taking the bed while Jean-Luc opted to sleep on his sofa. After having lied awake restless for hours, Beverly decides to creep out into the dark living area.

Tip-toeing silently across the living area in her nightgown and robe, Beverly pauses at the sofa. She kneels down beside the sofa and lays her hand on Jean-Luc’s shoulder.

Half-awake, Jean-Luc rouses, sitting upright gradually. “Beverly?”

“I’m sorry to wake you,” whispers Beverly, already regretting coming in here.

Blinking rapidly, Jean-Luc comes to his full senses. “No, that’s alright. I could hardly sleep. Are you okay?”

“Just can’t sleep,” sighs Beverly wearily.

Making room for her on the sofa, Jean-Luc pats the cushion beside him invitingly. “I’m sorry. What can I do?”

Accepting the offer, Beverly slips onto he sofa beside him, already feeling better. “I just don’t want to be alone.”

Jean-Luc adjusts the blanket, wrapping it over her lap and legs. “You’re not alone.”

“Will you come lay beside me?” Beverly asks tentatively, curling up beside him under the blanket.

Breath catching his throat, Jean-Luc hedges. “I’m not sure…that’s a wise idea.”

Pursing her lips, Beverly takes his hand under the blanket. “I promise I won’t kiss you. I just want you close.”

Internally struggling, Jean-Luc exhales slowly. He wraps an arm around her back, silently wondering to himself how much further she can test his resolve.

Laying her head against his shoulder, Beverly closes her eyes. “Jean-Luc, you’re a really good friend.”

Swallowing hard, Jean-Luc rubs her back. “Yes.” Too good, Jean-Luc mutters inside his own head.

“What am I going to do, Jean-Luc?” whispers Beverly. “ I feel like he’s cut my heart open, but I don’t know what to do. I love him. He’s still my husband and I love him. I want a family. I want Wesley to grow up with a father. I can’t believe this is the end for us.”

Every fiber in his being is aching. Jean-Luc is livid with his friend. Right now, Jean-Luc has what he considers the most beautiful, intelligent and kind woman in the universe in his arms, and it takes every ounce of will power he possesses not to jump her. Conversely, Jack fails to recognize Beverly for the incredible woman she is and has the audacity to be unfaithful. If Jean-Luc were given the chance to capture her heart, he would never let it go. “It’s not. If you love him, you can make it work.”

Pressing her lips to his cheek, Beverly smiles in the dark. “Thank you, Jean-Luc. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Inhaling sharply, Jean-Luc nods. “I’m here for you. I’ll help you work it out.”

Squeezing his hand, Beverly closes her eyes. “Yes. It will all work out.”


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

 

You Don't Know Me  
You give your hand to me  
Then you say hello  
I can hardly speak  
My heart is beating so  
And anyone can tell  
You think you know me well  
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one  
Who dreams of you at night  
And longs to kiss your lips  
And longs to hold you tight  
Oh I'm just a friend  
That's all I've ever been  
'Cause you don't know me

I never knew  
The art of making love  
Though my heart aches  
With love for you  
Afraid and shy  
I've let my chance to go by  
The chance that you might  
Love me, too

You give your hand to me  
And then you say good-bye  
I watch you walk away  
Beside the lucky guy  
You'll never never know  
The one who loves you so  
Well, you don't know me

You give your hand to me, baby  
Then you say good-bye  
I watch you walk away  
Beside the lucky guy  
No, no, you'll never ever know  
The one who loves you so  
Well, you don't know me

Michael Buble, “You Don’t Know Me.” (cover)

 

Smiling massively from her seat on the sofa in Jack’s cabin, Beverly watches as Jack spins two year-old Wesley in his arms in a circle, eliciting giggles from the toddler.

Picard watches his friend happily playing with the boy from the arm chair adjacent to the sofa, having been invited to dinner by Beverly earlier in the day. Beverly and Wesley are visiting Jack for a week on the Stargazer, and Jack had been eagerly anticipating their visit for the past four months. Four months had passed since Jean-Luc had seen his friend, as well, and he had been looking forward to seeing her. 

Panting, Jack halts his spinning, chuckling loudly. “He loves it.”

Beverly is thrilled to watch her husband and son bonding, it having been so long since Wesley had spent time with Jack.

Jack walks over to the chair with the toddler in his arms. “Here, Jean-Luc. Take him for a while.”

Putting a hand up in decline, Picard shakes his head. “No, thank you. He just ate and you were twirling him around for quite some time. That combination does not bode well.”

Laughing heartily, Jack deposits the toddler in Jean-Luc’s lap. “Don’t be scared of a little spittle.”

With a look of apprehension, Jean-Luc looks to the boy in his lap who appears completely puzzled as to why he is now sitting with a stranger. 

Jack flops onto the sofa, slinging his arm around Beverly. “I think we’ve got ourselves a babysitter, babe.”

Covering her lips, Beverly tries to mask her grin.

Terrified, Jean-Luc looks to Jack, gauging whether he is serious. 

“Alright, babe, let’s leave the boy here with the good captain. I’m itching to show you the new program I created for you in the holodeck,” entices Jack into Beverly’s ear.

Swallowing hard, Jean-Luc has to avert his eyes as Beverly’s cheeks tinge red. 

“You’re bad, Jack,” teases Beverly with a low laugh, swatting his knee. 

Biting his lip, Jean-Luc diverts his attention to the child in his lap who is fidgeting restlessly. 

Jack’s communicator badge chimes, forcing him to pull away from Beverly reluctantly. 

Releasing a breath in relief, Jean-Luc is grateful as an ensign requests Jack’s presence in Engineering. 

“I’m so sorry, babe,” Jack says to Beverly, kissing her cheek. “This won’t take long.”

“Hurry back,” requests Beverly sweetly, squeezing his knee. 

“Take care of them while I’m gone,” requests Jack of Jean-Luc as he runs to the door.

Nodding silently, Jean-Luc watches Jack’s retreating form.

“You are positively green,” declares Beverly, laughing lightly, standing off of the sofa. “Does he really bother you?”

Giving his head a shake, Jean-Luc directs his focus to Beverly walking toward him. “Sorry?”

“Wesley, does he bother you?” Beverly inquires softly, reaching out to take the toddler from Jean-Luc. 

“Oh, uh…” stutters Jean-Luc, struggling to find his voice. “No…not at all.”

Beverly rests Wesley on her hip, appraising her friend carefully. “You’re pale, perspiring. We’re making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. I know you don’t like children.”

Exhaling audibly, Jean-Luc shakes his head. “No, that’s alright.”

Bemused, Beverly studies him. “I’m sorry, Jean-Luc. It’s just been months since we’ve seen you. I thought it’d be nice if we all had dinner together.”

Rising out of his chair, Jean-Luc forces a smile. “Yes, certainly. Thank you for inviting me.”

Cradling the toddler against her hip, Beverly smiles, wondering what is troubling her friend. “You don’t have to stay. I understand…”

Gazing into her eyes, Jean-Luc fumbles for the words to camouflage his true aversion. He would like nothing more than to stay here and spend the night with Beverly. Watching her bouncing the boy on her hip, Jean-Luc can picture them together, let his mind imagine that she is his and this is his family. 

Staring into his darkened hazel eyes, Beverly’s heart beat quickens. She can see the raw desire in his eyes, and it both unnerves and excites her. 

Sighing resignedly, Jean-Luc takes a step backward. “Perhaps I should leave.”

Swallowing hard, Beverly watches Jean-Luc pad to the door. 

“Goodnight,” Jean-Luc says, voice thick with emotion.

Tracing his path to the door, Beverly is confused, torn. “Jean-Luc…”

Opening the door, Jean-Luc forces a smile. “Enjoy the night with your husband, Beverly.”

Pained, Beverly is speechless as he disappears down the corridor.

* * 

 

Collapsing onto his bed, Jean-Luc palms his face. “Bloody hell.” He has no one but himself to blame. And, truly, this is what he had wanted. His friends are happy. After the affair, they had gradually put back the pieces of their broken marriage. Jean-Luc had aided them in repairing their severed bond, and now their relationship is as strong as could be. Truly, this is what Jean-Luc had desired for them all along. He wants Beverly to be happy, to have the family she wants. Jack can give her that. He, he could never give her that. What would she ever want with a old workhorse like him?

He has to be happy for them. What other choice does he have? This is for the best, really. This is how it’s supposed to be. This is the outcome he had wanted. Jack, Beverly, Wesley, one big happy family.Where does that leave him? Alone. Lonely. Just a middle-aged man and his ship. His ship and his entirely inappropriate repressed desire for his friend’s wife. 

Giving his head a shake, Jean-Luc groans. He must get a grip on this. It is imperative that he gain some control over the situation. He cannot continue on with these feelings. Of course he lusts after her, but he knows it’s more than just an infatuation. He’s never felt this way about anyone. What he feels for Beverly is nothing short of love. He is madly in love with his friend’s wife.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Oh, it's carnival night and they're stringing the lights around you  
Hanging paper angels, painting little devils on the roof  
Oh the furnace wind is a flickering of wings about your face  
In a cloud of incense yeah, it smells like Heaven in this place

I can't eat, can't sleep, still I hunger for you when you look at me  
That face, those eyes all the sinful pleasures deep inside  
Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in  
Underneath my skin, oh you were always my original sin

And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin  
This dangerous game, oh you were always my original sin

A dream will fly the moment that you open up your eyes  
A dream is just a riddle, ghosts from every corner of your life  
Up in the balcony all the Romeos are bleeding for your hand  
Blowing theater kisses reciting lines they don't understand

I can't eat, can't sleep, still I hunger for you when you look at me  
That face, those eyes all the sinful pleasures deep inside  
Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in  
Underneath my skin, oh you were always my original sin

And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin  
This dangerous game, oh you were always my original sin  
Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in  
Underneath my skin, oh you were always my original sin  
Tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin  
This dangerous game, oh you were always my original sin

Elton John, “Original Sin.”

 

 

Pressing the keypad to unlock her apartment in San Francisco, Beverly is dazed. Throughout the day, she felt like she had been going through motions, viewing herself from above, feeling out of body. It had been like for a week, ever since she had been dealt the tragic blow.

Jean-Luc allows Beverly to enter the room and then steps through after her, carrying an exhausted five year-old Wesley in his arms.

Beverly adjusts the lighting before dropping her bag. “Do you mind taking him into his room? I’ll get him changed.”

Jean-Luc follows Beverly through to the first small bedroom in the simple two-bedroom suite in the high-rise building in close proximity to Starfleet Medical and lays the half-dozing boy on the bed. The five year-old’s room is decorated in a space theme, with decals of stars, moons and planets lining the walls, and a large holographic projection of a starship flies across the ceiling. A bright silver moon orbits high above the bed, casting a dim light across the bed like a dull night-light. 

Beverly retrieves Wesley’s pajamas from a closet and moves over to the bed to beginning undressing her son from the formal wear he had sported for the memorial service and burial. 

Shaking his head as Beverly exchanges his dress pants for pajama bottoms, Wesley whines. “No. I want a story.”

Spent after the demanding day, Beverly is in no mood to fight with the boy. “Honey, it’s very late.”

Putting a hand up, Jean-Luc interjects. “Go get undressed, relax. I’ll read the boy a story. He’ll be asleep in thirty seconds.”

Smiling in gratitude, Beverly looks at Jean-Luc graciously. “Thank you.” She bends down to kiss Wesley’s lips. “Goodnight, sweetie. I love you.”

Collapsing onto the pillows, Wesley hugs her soundly. “Goodnight, Mommy.”

Jean-Luc perches on the side of the bed and Beverly collects Wesley’s clothes and then quietly sneaks out of the room. 

* *   
PAGE BREAK

* *

When Jean-Luc emerges from the bedroom, he finds Beverly sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, still in her blue dress uniform. 

Lifting her head, Beverly raises her wine glass. “You’d better join me, or I’m going to have a whole host of other problems.”

Half-smiling, Jean-Luc meanders over to the sofa where Beverly has placed a second glass of cabernet sauvignon on the table in front for him. 

Lowering himself onto the sofa, Jean-Luc takes the wine glass. “He was out like a light.”

Falling back into the sofa cushions, Beverly closes her eyes. “He has no idea, you know. I had talked about what Jack did on the Stargazer. Wesley knew all about Daddy the Starfleet Officer. He was so proud, said he wanted to be just like Jack.”

Reading her expression, Jean-Luc’s own feelings of guilt and remorse resurface. 

“Wesley loved visiting the ship, and Jack would bring him little momentos from different places you'd traveled. I tried to explain to him that some parts of Daddy’s job were dangerous, that there were risks serving with Starfleet. But, he’s so little. Besides, we were so far removed from that life here on Earth. He had no clue,” Beverly remarks, almost surprised herself.

Inhaling deeply, Jean-Luc reaches for her hand, setting his glass on the table. “Beverly…”

“I’ve tried to explain it, but he doesn’t really understand that Daddy’s never coming home this time,” whispers Beverly, hard lump in her throat. She sets her own glass down next to Jean-Luc’s on the table. 

“Beverly, I’m…” Utterly helpless, Jean-Luc moves his hand to rub her arm. 

“Don’t,” implores Beverly, desperately trying to restrain her tears . All day she had held it together perfectly. Of course she had wanted to present a professional face in front of all of her friends, colleagues, all of the Starfleet dignitaries. In reality, all she had wanted was to be strong for her son. There would be plenty of time for her to grieve in private. Right now, her son needs her. 

 

“I am sorry, Beverly,” whispers Jean-Luc ruefully, his chest constricted. “Jack was…a fine officer. I deeply regret that your son will not have his father to guide him.”

Closing her watery eyes, Beverly wishes she could chalk this up to one horrific nightmare. She cannot fathom that it was only a few days ago that Jean-Luc had delivered Jack’s body to Starbase 31. “I can’t believe this is real. They handed me that folded up flag and I felt like they put the weight of a galaxy on my shoulders.”

Jean-Luc draws her into his arms, silently wishing there was something he could do to alleviate her pain. “It’s over now, Beverly. You got through this week.”

“Now what?” questions Beverly helplessly, tiny tears escaping her eyes. “Now what do I do?”

Jean-Luc envelopes his arms around her back, holding her close. “I promise you’ll be okay, Beverly.”

“Jean-Luc, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” admits Beverly honestly, cupping his cheek.

“You’re not alone,” Jean-Luc assures her, taking her hand. 

Shakily, Beverly grazes his cheek, her eyes fixated on his.

Holding her gaze, Jean-Luc is filled with trepidation. “Beverly…”

Pressing her lips to his, Beverly traces his jawline, entwining their fingers between the two hands they hold on his lap. 

Breaking off, Jean-Luc appraises her cautiously. “Beverly…”

Looking at him imploringly, Beverly cups his neck. “Please, Jean-Luc..”

Grazing her cheek with his thumb, he absorbs the wake of her tears. “This is terribly foolish…”

“I just buried my husband. I’m in…nine kinds of pain. I need you,” insists Beverly, running her hand down his neck, loosening the collar of his dress uniform. 

Groaning, Jean-Luc grits his teeth as Beverly unzips his tunic. “ Beverly, we can’t…This is wrong. You’re mourning.”

Slipping her hand down his tunic to splay across his chest, Beverly stares at him heatedly. “You owe me, Jean-Luc.”

A long hiss escapes his teeth as her nails trail down his chest. “That’s not fair.”

Pressing her hips flush against his, Beverly whispers against his lips, the vibrations of her words sending a chill reverberating down his spine. “I want you.”

With a low growl, Jean-Luc captures her lips and grabs her waist, drawing her impossibly close. In an instant, the reinforced walls he had carefully constructed had come crumbling down at the bat of her eye, and he had turned to putty in her hands.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand  
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man  
These nights never seem to go to plan  
I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

Oh, won't you stay with me?  
'Cause you're all I need  
This ain't love it's clear to see  
But darling, stay with me

Why am I so emotional?  
No it's not a good look, gain some self control  
And deep down I know this never works  
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

Oh, won't you stay with me?  
'Cause you're all I need  
This ain't love it's clear to see  
But darling, stay with me

Oh, won't you stay with me?  
'Cause you're all I need  
This ain't love it's clear to see  
But darling, stay with me

Oh, won't you stay with me?  
'Cause you're all I need  
This ain't love it's clear to see  
But darling, stay with me

Sam Smith, “Stay With Me.”

 

Unzipping her tunic, Jean-Luc’s pre-frontal cortex is screaming at him to stop, rationalizing that this is the last thing either of them need right now. Beverly’s mourning the loss of Jack, and his guilt for his own culpability in Jack’s death is consuming him. However, the years of pent up desire bubble to the surface and rapidly dominate his logical thinking as he makes quick work of removing her uniform. 

Tossing off her tunic, Beverly grins wickedly. 

Jean-Luc pulls her back to him, kissing her fervently. “You’re certain…”

“Shut up!” Beverly commands, putting a finger to his lips. “Don’t analyze this.”

Taking her hand, Jean-Luc drops a tender kiss to each knuckle in turn. 

Beverly hastens to remove his tunic, and Jean-Luc willingly aids her in its rapid discard. As his jacket falls to the ground, Jean-Luc reaches for her face, recapturing her lips. Beverly slowly slides her hand over his fly, deliberately teasing him with long caresses. 

Groaning, Jean-Luc buries a hand in her hair, deepening their kiss. Beverly unzips his pants and strokes his growing length.

Jean-Luc reluctantly withdraws, his hand slipping down to rub her exposed neck. “You’re killing me, Doctor.”

Smiling coyly, Beverly painstakingly slides his pants down his legs. “Oh, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

Grasping her hips, Jean-Luc chuckles lowly. He tugs her closer, fumbling for the zipper of her own pants. 

Beverly falls into his chest, giggling. As he commences removing her pants, Beverly sucks his bottom lip, urging him on. Once her pants hit her ankles, she reaches around to push off her boots and together they make haste of doffing their socks and boots. 

Standing off the sofa in her bra and panties, Beverly extends her hand to Jean-Luc invitingly. He jumps up and accepts it, prepared to follow her anywhere. 

Tugging him by the hand, she leads him into her bedroom, dark save for a small window overlooking the city that allows some outside light to shine in. She sits on the end of the bed and he pushes up between her knees, bending low to kiss her. 

Moaning, Beverly puts her hands on either side of his face. She eases back onto the bed, bringing Jean-Luc with her until he is laying on top of her. 

Jean-Luc trails a hand lazily down her side, over her stomach and along one hip as his lips wander down the column of her neck.

Laying a hand on his head, Beverly exhales contentedly, watching his lips move over her chest and his hand venture lower. “Yes…”

Pausing, Jean-Luc uses his free hand to slip her breast out of the cup of her bra. “You are…absolutely stunning.”

Watching the raw desire flash through his eyes, Beverly’s heart pound profusely against her chest and she flushes warm, already sweating. She grazes her fingers along his head, urging him up. 

Jean-Luc shifts his body up, leaning down for a slow, penetrating kiss. 

Unable to withstand the pressure anymore, she needs him now. Cupping his cheek firmly, she breaks off, her eyes ablaze.

Grinning, Jean-Luc grinds his hips against hers, feeling the need radiating off of her. In the darkness, his eyes catch the fire of the diamond on her left hand grasping his cheek, and his breath hitches in his throat.

Seeing the look of fear pass across his face, Beverly’s face falls. “What’s wrong?”

Exhaling deeply, Jean-Luc shifts his weight to his knees. Holding her gaze, he takes her left hand and gently slips the engagement ring and wedding band off her ring finger.

Mouth agape, Beverly’s eyes never wander from Jean-Luc’s as he divests her of her rings, her symbolic bond to her deceased husband. 

Jean-Luc stretches over and places the rings on the night table, finally breaking their eye contact. Beverly swallows hard, unconsciously wanting to touch the vacant finger. 

Hovering over her, Jean-Luc stares at her earnestly. “That’s important.”

Beverly knows, she can feel it. He has sought after her for a long time, but she had been married to his friend. While she had belonged to another, it had been wrong of him to covet her. Now, he is free to pursue her, no longer hindered.

Grabbing his waist, Beverly draws him to her. “It’s just us, Jean-Luc.”

Wishing that were true, Jean-Luc encircles his arms around her waist, kissing her feverishly. For years Jack Crusher had kept him from the woman in his arms. Now that Jean-Luc had inadvertently killed his best friend and created the very widow he had so lusted after, Jean-Luc fears Jack’s ghost will forever haunt him. This is only a momentary reprieve for him and for Beverly. He would never be allowed to take that which was never his.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

 

Cannot touch, cannot hold  
Cannot be together  
Cannot love, cannot kiss  
Cannot have each other  
Must be strong and we must let go  
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you?  
What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream  
Cannot share sweet and tender moments  
Cannot feel how we feel  
Must pretend it's over  
Must be brave and we must go on  
Must not say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?  
What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?  
How can I not love you?

Must be brave  
And we must be strong  
Cannot say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?  
What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?  
How can I not love you when are gone ?

Joy Enrique, “How Can I Not Love You.”

 

Waking up is like simultaneously his best dream and worst nightmare. Opening his eyes, Jean-Luc sees Beverly’s hair splayed across his chest, her head tucked between his neck and shoulder as she slumbers peacefully. The events of the previous night come crashing around him like the aftermath of an explosion, a torrent of acute emotion. He had finally had what he had always wanted, and the entire thing is tragically bitter sweet. The sex had been quick and furious, both of them releasing years of repressed feelings, and seeking comfort from their communal grief. Jean-Luc knows it’s not real, though. They never should have been together. They know it cannot accomplish anything and really only exacerbate their problems. She has to move on with her life now, and there’s no place for him there. 

Stirring, Beverly rouses at the feel of an unfamiliar body beneath her. Opening her eyes, she is startled to find Jean-Luc. A look of recognition flashes across her eyes as she recalls all of the details of the previous night. 

Grinning, Beverly lifts her head. “Morning.”

“Morning,” smiles Jean-Luc weakly. 

Resting her weight on her elbow, Beverly traces his jaw with her forefinger of the other hand. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Like a baby,” answers Jean-Luc with a low chuckle. 

“Not even a good morning kiss?” Beverly raises a brow.

Inhaling sharply, Jean-Luc looks at her earnestly. “ Beverly…”

Face falling, Beverly becomes angry. “This is what I get? Damn it, Jean-Luc!”

Snaking an arm around her waist, Jean-Luc pulls her against him. “Beverly, don’t get upset. I’m just…I can’t pretend here. This isn’t…This is wrong. I shouldn’t be here.”

As she is formulating a vocal protest, Beverly’s eyes catches the holophoto of her, Jack and Wesley from approximately six months ago taken at a nearby park sitting on the night table. They’re sitting in the grass with her and Wesley in Jack’s lap. The three of them look so happy and care-free, Beverly becomes nauseous. 

Resting his forehead against her, Jean-Luc exhales audibly. “We both know last night shouldn’t have happened. I am truly sorry. You were in pain, and I took advantage of you.”

Bowing her head, Beverly’s eyes pool with hot tears. “Hardly. I leapt into your arms.”

“Regardless…” Jean-Luc starts. “This is no way to behave. I’ve dishonoured my friend. You need time to mourn. You don’t need me around interfering.”

She can scarcely disagree with his logic. Now is the time for her to be figuring out a new life for her and Wesley, not jumping into some twisted relationship with Jean-Luc. “Oh, God. I can’t believe…Jean-Luc, I am a terrible wife, a horrible mother.”

Shaking his head firmly, Jean-Luc grasps her shoulder. “Not at all. You’re grieving. You’re hurting. You wanted comfort. This is my fault. I took it too far.”

Resting her head against his, her tears cascade down her cheeks as her body begins to rack with sobs. “I’m an awful person. I can’t believe…”

Burying his hand in her hair, Jean-Luc kisses her softly. “Stop. It’s okay.”

Taking a shaky breath, Beverly lays her head on his shoulder. “What are we gonna do?”

Running his hand through her hair, Jean-Luc ponders the question, plagued with remorse. “I’ll go back to the Stargazer. You’ll go back to work and get on with your life.”

“I don’t want you to go,” admits Beverly painfully. “I need you.”

“No,” sighs Jean-Luc. “I can only complicate your life, Beverly. You and Wesley will be fine. You’re an impressively strong woman. I’m confident you’ll make out beautifully on your own.”

“I wish I had that confidence,” admits Beverly solemnly, nuzzling his neck. 

Closing his eyes briefly, Jean-Luc struggles to contain the tears threatening to surface in his own eyes. He cannot fathom that he is letting her slip between his fingers after all this time. He knows, however, that it is the only option. He is no good for her. He is not what she needs. They should never have spent the night together in the first place. It would be wrong for him to take her after he was liable for killing her husband, after he had secretly harboured feelings for her for years. No, this is for the best. She can find another man, one to start fresh. One who can be faithful and give her the family she wants, be a father to the boy that he had robbed of a father. No, he is not that man. It cannot happen. They both know it, now they just have to accept it.

 

* *  
PAGE BREAK

***

She shouldn’t be, but she is ecstatic. Sure, she had been shocked. The result of a malfunctioning contraceptive implant her colleague at Medical had easily explained when she delivered the news. She should be panicking, worried, concerned about how she is going to manage a new baby all on her own, but she isn’t. After all, she has been living on her own since Wesley was born. Jack had hardly been around to help with Wesley, always serving on the Stargazer while she was in school and then working and taking care of their son. This won’t really be much different, her as a single parent, except now she has a six year-old to watch over, as well. She cannot be stressed, though. She’s elated to have another baby, and the news has uplifted her spirit after the hell she has been through the past five weeks since Jack was killed. Maybe this is a sign, she posits. It’s like a parting gift from Jack, leaving her with a part of him, a fragment of their love having created a precious life to carry on the remnants of their bond. In the aftermath of her husband’s untimely tragic ending, Beverly can seek comfort in the hopeful and inspiring stirrings of new life, a brand new beginning for her.


End file.
